내 머리가 나빠서

2012-01-27T02:16:00.002+08:00

A THOUSAND YEARS

A call from you is bliss.

You telling me about your ns stuff

And all the things you find funny.

Truth be told,sometimes I don't understand whatever you're saying

Neither do I find it funny.

But seeing you being so excited about it

Laughing and sounding so happy about it

It makes me feel relieved.

Relieved that someone's w you inside

Glad that it's not sucha drag during your trainings.

And seeing you blabber on and laughing about those ns incidents

I actually find you sorta cute.sometimes.

No doubt I find it kinda annoying at times

Nevertheless,I'm still glad you bothered to tell me

And tryna make things sound more interesting for me

I admit I dont make a good girlfriend of a ns guy

But I'd try to be more tolerant and understanding about it ok?

Ops!no idea why I'm even writing all these

But whatever

What we've is a weekend affair.

2012-01-25T03:15:00.002+08:00

SAFE AND SOUND.

Sometimes I just think I'm so lucky.

Cause you're the best I ever had.

How you already know I'm so insecure incomplete and all

Yet loving me all the same.

I asked if you're w me because you sympathise me

You replied no.

And said to me one of the sweetest things I've ever heard.

And it made me teared.

I hope it ain't one of those sweet talk bullshit that guys are so capable of.

That those frequent dreams that I've been having recently ain't happening.

At least not now.not yet.

You make me feel that despite of all the shit emotional turmoil that I have in me

There's a guy who still loves me.

Someone to call mine.

For these,I'm glad.

2012-01-22T03:31:00.003+08:00

NEED YOU NOW.

No idea why the hell I'm so emotional now.

All of a sudden the images are just coming back to me.

Seeing cousin's husband w another woman.

Mum standing at budge of balcony downing alcohol and tryna commit suicide.

Aunt using a chopper to threaten bf and pushed him down the stairs eventually.

Well he didn't die,but bleeding.profusely.

Mum going into depression and had to sleep at godma's house to recover.

The memories are just coming back and idk why.

And I lose in faith in us once again.

I should be single.

This sucks.BIG TIME.

2012-01-17T00:57:00.002+08:00

SAFE AND SOUND

Find myself loving you more everyday

And I Feel insecure about it

And hate it.

And that's precisely why I wanna love you less each day.

That's selfish of me

But I just don't wanna be hurt when it ends.

But why does it seem so difficult to do that.

I don't see us long term

Thou we always talk about it

And both you and I want it

But somehow it doesn't feel like it'd be

Perhaps it's my insecurities eating me up

Perhaps it's the environment I was brought up in

I just wish I was able to love freely without any worries.

2011-09-13T01:08:00.003+08:00

FOREVER AND ALWAYS.

why the fcuk are you so nice to me.
you're too good that i feel ashamed.
you make promises.
and those are actually favors that i cant ask from you.
because if i do,that'd just be selfish of me.
you've never asked anything from me
and that's precisely why i cant ask anything from you either.
all this while,it's my fault
i've been too selfish.
you're always there for me.
i should've known.should've guessed.
people told me things.
i know them.
but i chose to ignore it.
and let things remained status quo.
should've kept my distance.
but i didnt.
sorry that i kept it from you.
that you have to hear it from other people.
i didnt mean for it to happen.
to let you know it this way.
sorry.

2011-06-30T16:07:00.001+08:00

"I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that were concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it is. I think that’s why she always struggled with God. And I think that’s why she also struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed. But sometimes it’s those things you can’t touch that you need to hold on to the most."
— Carrie Ryan

2011-05-04T02:40:00.004+08:00

CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA

had been wilful.bitchy.selfish.
seen me at my worst.
tolerated all of my stupid antics and behaviour.
seriously.
sometimes i do wonder what the hell is wrong with you.
how can you even stand being friends with me
when i am sucha unreasonable bitch.
but glad that you did.
thanks my ultimate stalker friend tharma.

2011-03-20T02:12:00.002+08:00

TELL ME GOODBYE.

i hate it when things start going well.
because it's like insinuating that it's the beginning of the end.
that's what i always thought.
i like to keep people at distance when we're close
not because i'm playing hard to get.
but because that's the only way i know not to get hurt.
i'm sick of this.
people are sick of it too.
some have left already.
so you can leave if you wanna.

2011-03-07T02:09:00.002+08:00

BACK TO DECEMBER.

married couple having active sex life outside
MBA.
Married but available.
they dont call it unfaithful.
they said it's their way of respecting each other
giving them space.
so long as they still love each other.
uh might as well be friends with benefits then.
maybe i should try that.
next time and no involvement of feelings.
i'd have my father to thank for if i achieve that next time
i've known what's an affair.
seen domestic violence.
heard wails in the middle of the night
to find that either parents are quarreling
or mum attempting suicide
with knife and pills beside her
standing at balcony and threatening to jump from 18 storey.
know how it feels like to find your mother leaving the house at midnight
cause she cant stand all the shit.
and experience how it feels like when mother is in depression
and has to be sent to IMH
cause she's in delusion and on the verge of giving up her life
and has to take anti-depressants daily.
and you're a constant reminder not to get a guy with no job
gambling was how you raised me up
i dont wanna end up having to move house 4 times
and even had to sell grandma's house to pay off your debts.
i've learnt alot from you.
not to trust anyone in a relationship.
now i wont.
thanks.

2011-01-17T03:08:00.003+08:00

ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END.

everything seems so surreal now.
i would never have expected this outcome.
this is like a second chance.
for the both of us.
i've hung on to the hope
that something more will happen
even after what happened to us previously.
and it did.
for that, i'm thankful.happy.
yet doubtful.
cause i can no longer trust you wholeheartedly.
the trust is broken.
i've once made a promise to myself
that i wouldnt give us a second chance
but i've given in.
and idk if it's good or bad.
you told me that even you dont know what are your thoughts
idk how to react to that.
cause i dont want the same damn thing repeating itself again.
especially more so that i've allowed myself to sink into all these the second time.
i dont know what i want now.

2011-01-09T23:03:00.003+08:00

SOMEONE WAKE ME UP.

finally i know the answer.
but i dont know what to do.
you were hesitant before.
and you told me why.
but i'm afraid you would do the same thing again.

2010-09-28T12:31:00.003+08:00

TEENAGE DREAM.

it has been bugging me.
i think i know the answer to it already.
but i need a closure.
a proper ending.
and not just leave me hanging there
to guess whats fcuking going on.
i dont need another guy to play mind games with me
or to use my common sense or whatever to judge the situation.
i dont like it.
i know the signs of the beginning of the end.
two is enough for me to grasp it.
but i guess probably not enough to have learn the lesson.
am i being too oversensitive with whats going on
or are the insecurities eating me up
idk.
but its obvious to other people too.
at least tell me whats going on now
so that i can prepare myself for the worst.

2010-09-26T20:59:00.003+08:00

HIGH AND DRY.

wanna get out of this house.
seriously.
my eldest sis did it.
she just left whenever she's upset or when there's trouble at home.
and it's the same with my second sis now too.
both just took off.
and i'm left with whatever shit is happening in the house.
i should probably do the same thing too next time.
just wanna start on work soon.
so i can get out of this shit.
all these fcuking shit.
i wanna go to the rooftop and just rot there.

2010-09-26T00:15:00.002+08:00

TELL ME GOODBYE.

i think this too would end up the same way as the previous ones.
ended before it has really started.
i dont think that's what i want.
christmas doesnt seem much of a big deal now.
distant.
maybe i should do something.
but wth should i do
or what do you want me to do

2010-03-14T01:25:00.002+08:00

EMPIRE STATE OF MIND.

he reminds me of someone.
the resemblance is there.
but it's not the looks.
not really.

2010-03-13T00:43:00.002+08:00

HEARTBEAT.

i cant believe how scared i was to see the both of them.
i practically ran.
to avoid them.
i wish i have managed a hi at the very least.

2010-03-12T00:45:00.002+08:00

UNFAITHFUL.

he's married.
but the woman beside him is not who it's supposed to be.
and they're not just friends.
should i be grateful?
because at least it's not my father caught in the act.
now i think i know how it feels.
if one day i do see him with another woman.
and not eric telling me.
guys are just suckers.
suckers for looks and figure.
hell but the woman has none.
SUCKER.

2010-03-07T00:09:00.005+08:00

BO PEEP BO PEEP.

this is a damn old photo.
didnt expect him to still have it.
that was our first time going out together?
wonder why we have been out together only twice.
I MISS HIS BIG EYES.
HE HAS GOT THE BIGGEST EYES THAT I'VE EVER SEEN.
but not in this photo.
haha.
reminds me of yoogeun!

2010-02-24T00:11:00.002+08:00

HARU HARU.

BEING RICH IS NOT NECESSARILY A GOOD THING.
PEOPLE BEFRIEND YOU FOR THE MONEY.
EVEN YOUR FAMILY MEMBER WANNA CHEATS YOU OF THE MONEY.
NICE.WHAT CAN I SAY.
YOU DONT CARE.
THE FAMILY'S WEIRD.

2010-02-01T23:49:00.006+08:00

YEAR OF US.

SHINEE IS IN SINGAPORE NOW.
MINHO AND JONGHYUN.
wanted to go for the autograph session.
i did went actually.
BUT ON THE WRONG DATE.
I WENT A DAY EARLIER.
REACHED THERE AROUND 7 PLUS IN THE MORNING.
HAHA.

I LOVE BF THE MOST MOST.
HAHA.

2010-01-17T22:29:00.002+08:00

BEAUTIFUL LIAR.

JUICY COUTURE.BURBERRY.
JUICY IS SO SWEET.
AND DEFINITELY MORE AFFORDABLE.
AND BURBERRY IS WHAT I'VE BEEN SAVING FOR.
BUT AT THE RATE I AM SAVING
IT MIGHT JUST TAKE YEARS TO GET ONE.
MAYBE SHOULD SETTLE FOR SOMETHING LESS
JUICY COUTURE.

'Dog & Bone should never be played against big guys who treats you like one.'- fatiha

i know tharma is dark.
but i never knew he is that.
dark.
haha.
and that was my first time kissing an indian.
no.it was just a peck on the cheeks.
i think i can better remember vejay even after graduation then.
haha.

2010-01-11T18:18:00.002+08:00

SIGN.

WHO SAID ABOUT EATING CHOCOLATES WOULD MAKE YA FEEL BETTER
LIAR.

2010-01-11T00:21:00.002+08:00

UNTIL YOU.

MY MUM WAS BEING TOTALLY RANDOM.
"YOU'RE QUITE PRETTY.
BUT YOUR BOOBS ARE SMALL."
HAHA.
NOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL HAPPY OR SAD?

I DIDNT KNOW RICKY CAN BE SO GAY.
HAHA.

2010-01-08T01:21:00.004+08:00

BAD ROMANCE.

seeing him again was weird.
i couldnt even manage a hi and bye.
i always wanna talk to him
to be able to at least manage a proper conversation with him
but it just fails every single time.
HAHA.
and i realised just how tall he is now
180cm maybe?
HAHA IDK IDC.
and i just love bird.
SHE IS SO PRETTY.GORGEOUS.
HAHA.

2010-01-02T00:42:00.002+08:00

MEET ME ON THE EQUINOX.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
IT'S 2010!
yesterday's fireworks was.
good.
except for the trees that blocked our full view of it

had been walking so much recently.
i feel so.
accomplished.
should walk more next time since i obviously cant run.
HAHA.

gonna go zouk with dears tmr
FINALLY.
GET HIGH AND DRUNK TMR.
OK NOT DRUNK.
BUT HIGH AND FUN.
HAHA.

i feel like such a bitch now.

2009-12-25T02:13:00.003+08:00

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
IT'S FINALLY 25 DECEMBER!
I HAVE A BABY SANTA NOW
BB IS SO CUTE WHEN HE WEARS THAT SUIT!
JUST WANNA HUG HIM TO SLEEP
i hope my dears would all be happy and okay this christmas

2009-12-21T03:06:00.002+08:00

WINTER WONDERLAND.

GONNA DRINK MILK AND PAPAYA.
LIKE EVERY DAY NOW.
FOR MY BOOBS GROWTH.
INSPIRED BY MY SIS.
HAHA.

I FINALLY SAW SAB AND JQ!
I MISS THEM SO SO MUCH.
CANT WAIT TO HANG OUT WITH THEM ON THE 24TH
OR A DINNER DATE ON WED NIGHT.
MY DEARS!
GONNA GOSSIP!
HAHA.

MY BF MADE MY DAY!
I LOVE HIM!!
HAHA.

2009-12-20T01:11:00.003+08:00

BECAUSE OF YOU.

I LOVE MY DEAR.
SHE DID ONE OF THE SWEETEST THINGS FOR ME TODAY.
THANKS DEAR!

WENT TO ORCHARD.
IT FEELS SO.
CHRISTMASSY.
HAHA.
I NEED MONEY FOR THE CHRISTMAS SALE!
NOW I FEEL POORER THAN BEFORE.

RICKY AND WENSHAN ARE GONNA BE BACK SOON!
FINALLY.
I MISS MY DEARS.

CHRISTMAS IS JUST 5 DAYS AWAY.

2009-12-16T00:53:00.002+08:00

SEOUL.

i should have known.
what have i gotten myself into?

I'VE LOST MY SWAROVSKI BRACELET IN THE PUB.

2009-12-13T23:30:00.002+08:00

KISS.

just went for a run.
it sucks.i suck.
i cant run for nuts.
it makes me giddy.
half of the time i was walking.
cant expect too much from someone who failed her 2.4km twice.
especially when she had actually trained for it.
and the timing is still close to 30min.
shall train for a better stamina.
and continue to run in the days to come
or not.
haha.
CHRISTMAS IS COMING.

2009-11-21T19:42:00.002+08:00

FIND.

never felt more distant.
not that it bothers me.
we've never walked together anyway.
it's just.
idk we can totally pass it off as strangers.
the distance between us is just a few feet apart
but it feels so much more.
he's walking so fast
i couldnt catch up.
maybe that explains his long legs.
whatever.
he just kept on texting.
i wonder which bitch he's texting to.
if you are too sexually active why bother getting hitched?

2009-10-24T01:49:00.004+08:00

RING DING DONG.
JONG HYUN IS SEXXYYY.

AND KIM HYUN JOONG.
HOTNESS.

2009-10-15T22:26:00.002+08:00

STARSTRUCK.

NOW MY BANK ACCOUNT HAS ONLY SLIGHTLY MORE THAN 50 BUCKS.
THAT'S MORE THAN HALF OF THE PAY GONE
WHICH IS 300+ BUCKS
WHICH MEANS I AM LEFT WITH THE REMAINING PAY OF 100+ TO FILL UP MY FAST DEPLETING BANK ACCOUNT
SHIT.

2009-10-15T00:43:00.001+08:00

MEET ME HALFWAY.

I WANT SOMEONE LIKE STEWARD BOY.
HAHA.

2009-10-14T00:36:00.002+08:00

HAVE A SUDDEN URGE TO GET MARRIED.
STUPID.
HAHA.

6 weeks.4 MCs.
but that is not gonna affect my attendance for itp.
or that's what my LO said.
hopefully he's right.
he better be otherwise i am screwed.

i can be in the same GEMS class as bf!!
HAHA CANT WAIT.

wanna go HK and see him.
that's if he's still there.

"girls before 20 go for guys with looks,
late 20s hook up with guys with stable careers
in the 30s all they care is his wealth
in the years after that they just go for looks again
it's a cycle"
HAHA.

2009-10-09T23:56:00.002+08:00

INSA.

I AM SO DEAD.
I THINK MY LO HAS CAUGHT ME WATCHING MOVIE DURING OFFICE HOUR.
I AM SCREWED.
I DOUBT EVEN DAVE CAN HELP ME NOW.
SHIT.

I NEED MONEY TO SHOPPPPP.
I FEEL BROKE ALREADY.
NO I ALREADY AM BROKE.

2009-10-05T22:49:00.002+08:00

CANDYSHOP.

i have changed to working at site office at Heeren.
and its.NICE.
although its all guys but its fun
ESPECIALLY MY SUPERVISOR THERE.
HE IS.idk.
he's kinda like typical gangster
but knows lots about cars
AND LIKES RACING.
sat in his car today.
its just.ok reminds me of deepan.
THE SPEEDING.
MOD OF HIS CAR.
EVEN THE GENRE OF MUSIC HE LISTENS TO IS ABOUT SAME AS HIM
HAHA.
and he's damn humorous.
BUT HE'S MARRIED.
JUST MARRIED.
HAHA.
i miss my dears.

2009-10-02T23:59:00.012+08:00

GET SEXY.

F1 IS AWESOME.
I AM SO GONNA GO THERE AGAIN NEXT TIME.
IF I HAVE THE TICKETS.
HAHA.
LEWIS HAMILTON.JENSON BUTTON.

sorry.
i should have known better.
why was i so damn insensitive?

2009-09-26T01:01:00.002+08:00

SUCKER.

guess i am just sucker for ALL THOSE SHIT.
have always been.

i miss my dears.classmates.everyone.just not.

2009-09-24T23:53:00.001+08:00

PABBO.

I MUST BE NUTS.
I MUST BE CRAZY.
FOR DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SHOOT ME.

2009-09-23T23:20:00.004+08:00

HONGKONG.HK.

have a fetish for male hairstylists now.
no.LIKE SINCE FOREVER.
must be due to him
just wanna go hk and look for him now.

MY RESULTS SUCK.
YOU SOUND SO HYPOCRITICAL.
AND FAKE.
DONT THINK YOU KNOW ME SO WELL
BECAUSE YOU DONT.

GONNA GO F1 BABYYYYYY.

2009-09-11T22:59:00.003+08:00

love.SEX.magic.

during sex,love is not needed
but when in love,sex comes with it.
like a package.
guys have it for pleasure.
girls do it to please guys.

if you despise him dont be like him.
but now you're just exactly like him
so what difference does it make?
you are just a replica of him.

girls always wanna be their guy's last girlfriend
guys wanna be their girl's first boyfriend.
just BE FCUKING INDEPENDENT
or just find a sugar daddy
because guys are just toys.
have sex.no love.not hurt.

2009-09-03T18:46:00.002+08:00

REPLAY.

MY ITP PLACEMENT HAS CHANGED.AGAIN.
FOR THE FOURTH TIME.
now i can have dinner with victor everyday after work
followed by dating at changi airport
if he wants
HAHA OK WHATEVER

2009-09-03T00:15:00.002+08:00

HOTEL ROOM.

I AM GONNA DO MY ITP AT TAN TOCK SENG HOSPITAL.
TTSH.
now i feel like i am in some nursing course instead of engineering
going there to do itp as some nurse and not engineer.
ok.EEWW.GOSH.NO.
not that i despise nurses
it's just that i cant stand the sight of ounces of blood oozing out.
like some meat being slaughtered with the blood and all
i am already not eating pork and chicken.
ok not completely.but yeah.
if i ever become a nurse i can just forget about eating beef too
i can just become a vegetarian and eat greens.
and if there's ever be problems with the crops,
i can stop eating once and for all.
but that would never happen.
anyhow i'd be doing some electronics stuff over at ttsh.
which i dont even know what i am gonna do,how i am gonna do or whatsoever.
i only had electronics when i was in year 1
when that was the basic module for everyone taking engineering.
if i have been able to stay at the first itp i've been posted to.
at least i'd be in some aero company
not that i'd be in engineering dept
but at least it sounds nicer when i tell others
and i'd def be able to see many planes taking off and landing there.
HAHA IF.
ok whatever shut up
and be grateful that at least my itp is only 2 mrt stations away from my house.
UH.
HUH.
AJA!

2009-08-27T01:29:00.004+08:00

THYROID.BITCH.BASTARD.

why do people even bother to get married?
when all's just gonna come to naught
and be stuck with the fcuking temperament of the family
tolerating all the shit from them
STFU.
and dont bother to come if you dont give a damn.
you make me realise how hard life can be.
thanks.
both of you should just fcuk off

i dont like this house
too many memories.too scary.
HDBs are never good.

what if one day your loved one suffers from amnesia?
all of the happy memories of you and her are gone.
even if you create more of it,they'd just be gone the next day.
she wont remember it.
she'd confuse the truth with falsehood
and starts hallucinating
and becomes forgetful.
depression.that's what you call it.

2009-08-03T00:03:00.002+08:00

FCUK OFF.WE ARE NOT FAMILY.

JUST FCUK OFF
DONT COME GRUMBLING
AND SAY ALL THOSE FCUK
FCUK OFF WE DONT FCUKING NEED YOU
FCUKING BASTARD
YOU CAN JUST FCUKING GO BACK TO THE WOMAN OUTSIDE
WE DONT FCUKING CARE
DONT BOTHER TO BE HERE ANYMORE
DONT BOTHER SAYING YOU HAVE DONE ALOT FOR THE FAMILY
WHEN YOU HAVE FCUKING CONTRIBUTED NONE
DONT THINK WHATEVER YOU HAVE DONE ARE SO FCUKING GREAT
YOU ARE NOT
ALL YOU HAVE DONE IS CONTRIBUTION OF SPERMS
WE DONT NEED YOU
MY MUM IS WAY GREATER THAN YOU
SO FCUK OFF.

2009-08-01T01:26:00.002+08:00

너라고.

WHAT THE FCUK
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THIS SHIT
I DONT NEED ALL THESE TO GET ME THROUGH
THANKS.

ION IS AWESOME.
I AM SO GONNA SHOP THERE AGAIN.
I AM SO BROKE.
GOTTA START WORKING SOON.

what am i gonna do?

2009-07-18T03:17:00.004+08:00

내 머리가 나빠서

PRETTY BOYS ARE HOT.
OK WHATEVER I KNOW
BUT THEY'RE JUST SO
PRETTY.FLAWLESS.
ESP H GUYS
HYUNJOONG.HERO.HEECHUL.
AND HENDRA.
HE SAID HE WOULDNT MIND IF THE GIRL DOESNT KNOW HOW TO COOK
HE WOULD COOK FOR HER.
HAHA.

i have to do something.
soon.hopefully.
get it out of my mind
out of my mouth.

i am so damn broke now.
can forget about eating in the weeks to come
shall just feed on water
and detox my system
and just go on diet
OK GOOD.WHATEVER.

2009-07-11T03:27:00.002+08:00

ITS YOU.

just went drinking with ql and xinyi
it was.
idk.good.
not because of the vodka
because we just ended up bitching more than drinking
in fact we drank less than half of it
and surprisingly i drank the least
because half of the time i felt like puking
not because of tt i think
my health has been quite fucked up recently
felt like puking even before i started drinking
and it got worse now
i have to keep stuffing food into my mouth
to stop myself from feeling tt way
hoping tt would keep whatever's gna come up from my throat go down
ok whatever.

and i should start waking up on time
so that i dont skip lessons anymore just because i am late
my attendance is shit
maybe i should start sleeping earlier
no i must
but thats if i can even sleep that early
i'd be lying on the bed staring at the damned four walls
ok whatever
i wouldnt wanna be in the house either
its cold war between my parents
over something
or nothing
ok whatever
i cannot be bothered anymore.

waiting for something.
or maybe just nothing.
idk.

2009-06-27T04:59:00.004+08:00

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.RIP MJ.

ok i am supposed to study now
but nothing seems to get inside
so forget it whatever
i think i am quite screwed for this mst

ok uh this is random
but i just think month of June is cursed?
for me.
MJ died.
not that he's related to me
nor am i a big fan of his or whatsoever
but yea.
my grandfather died in june too.
my grandmother passed away in june.
and the date she was cremated was the same as my birth date.
and my father had his driving license revoked on my birth date too.
all these happened in June
and near my birth date
how convenient.
not that i am blaming for it.
but it just feels that i am jinxed?
ok whatever but not anymore.
because now i just wanna make things happen
and not wait for them to happen
and if something is meant to happen
idk how to prevent it
just take it as it is?
ok whatever.

2009-06-21T05:05:00.002+08:00

TOUCH MY HAND

i am having cravings
for bimbimbab
and suffering from insomnia
and thinking of some stupid shit
that i dont even know what exactly is going through my head
ok whatever

i realised i always dreamt that my father would abandon me
in some rubbish dump
or some stupid HDB flats which are like mazes
and with altars inside the houses
that i can never get out
that was when i was young
and i'd wake up crying
no.more like wailing
HAHA
and today it's like deja vu
attended my cousin's wedding lunch at his house
i felt sick
it was like in those dreams
with the altar
and dark corridors
and stupid mazes that you can never seem to get out of
uh ok whatever
it's all shit
i'd never get those dreams again

i like steven!!
his body is HOT!!
he doesnt look chinese
and he is not married!!
maybe attached?
HAHA
ok WHATEVER SHUT IT

2009-06-21T01:53:00.003+08:00

CULO.

RITZ CARLTON WAS AWESOME.
if i ever get married
IF
i would hold my banquet there
HAHA
ok WHATEVER.

and i realised my father is good to us
only when fathers' day or his birthday is round the corner
and he would remind us in a roundabout manner
and tell us what are his wants
by SAYING LOUDLY he has been yearning for one for very long
HOW NICE
like hello?
cant you just tell us directly?
and if it's not to his liking
he would complain about it and chuck it aside
ok i know period.
maybe i am just prejudiced against him
or it's because of my period
whatever.

walk away.

2009-06-12T17:15:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i'm insomniac
now anemic too
uh actually i've always been
but think it has gotten worse now
almost fainted in the bathroom just now
uh but ended up collapsing in the room
blacked out momentarily
and i wasnt even dressed properly
and wth my father was going on and on about it
that he sounded more like scolding me
than expressing his concern
ok uh whatever
it's not the first time i faint anyway
and i def wouldnt want him to be there if i ever faint again

2009-06-07T03:19:00.010+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

1.Besides yr lips,where's your favourite spot to get kissed? neck?ears?

2. How do you feel when you woke up this morning? i need more sleep

3. Who was the last person who you took picture with? Joash!!

4. Who you consider to be spoiled? idk?

5. Would you ever donate blood? if there's an emergency?

6. Do you have a good friend of an opposite sex? yea

7. Do you want someone to be dead? uh nt really?just wished they weren't with me

8. What does your last text msg says? uh i forgot

9. What are you thinking about right now? i need loud music.pitbull!!

10. Did you wish someone was with you right now? nt really

11. When did you go to sleep last night? 2 stg?

12. Where did you buy the t-shirt you are wearing right now? given during tennis camp

13. Is someone on your mind right now? yea

14. Who was the last person you texted to? uh i forgot

15. Tag 10 people to do this quiz .

1. Qiling
2. Jiayan
3. Phillson
4. Sabrina
5. Hsien wen
6. Phoebe
7. Kelvin
8. Joyce
9. Stephanie
10. Roy

16. Who is 2 (Jiayan) having a relationship with? no one.tharma i know watcha thinking.HAHAHA

17. Is 3 (Philly) a male or a female? male

18. If 7 (Kelvin) and 10 (Roy) gets together, will it be a good thing? if they are gay

19. Is 1 (Qiling) studies good? she study smart

20. Is 4 (Sabrina) single? no attached

21. Say something about 5 (Hsien wen)? i could look into his eyes forever!!

22. What do you think about 3 (Philly) and 6 (Phoebe) together? ehh idk

23. Describe 1 (Qiling) my love forever

24. What happens if 9 (Stephanie) and 10(Roy) fight? i wouldnt wanna be there

25. Do you like 8 (Joyce)? yea

2009-06-07T01:51:00.002+08:00

GEE GEE GEE GEE BABY BABY.

ok i think my tests so far are shit.
but whatever.

and i think i have a trusting problem?
i dont seem to be able to trust anyone
not implicitly
idk why
it just feels.
and i dont open up to people easily?
idk what if one day he's not there?
everything would be gone
like.
ok whatever.

i am glad i've ql and jy with me.

2009-05-29T12:14:00.003+08:00

all good things come to an end.

i've finally talked to him
about how i felt
about the whole thing and change
i've expected him to change
but definitely not in that way
maybe i wasnt prepared
for the new change in him
all i could think of was
fuck it
i miss him
the old him
he's one of the best guy friends i ever had
we were close
or that's what i thought
but whatever just fuck it.

you were the closest friend i ever had
and you forever will be
we've been through the good and the bad
together as one,arent we?

but there was one period of time
our friendship started straining away
everything was getting out of line
why is our closeness fading day by day?

how come?
conversations stop
awkward silence
this is unusual,i dont like it
its not supposed to be like this

i love the days we shared our joy and laughter
because of what it doesnt really matter
i treasure our relationship
its a beautiful thing called friendship
this are the ups and downs of life
promise me that we will overcome it together
however hard it is we must strive
even if there are tears in our eyes

give me your word
that we will be best friends forever
so that we will always have each other shoulder's to cry on

after all we've been through
im glad we're talking again
that we're friends again

i miss my gurls.

2009-05-19T20:25:00.004+08:00

BOOM!ITS ON.

uh i think i am abit hyper today
no actually its my normal self whenever i'm at home
haha but whatever
and i uttered some shit to someone
was hyped up for idk why
and it's the truth.
part of it.
of what i've said.
but.
WHATEVER.

and i wanna go to ricky's house.
hopefully.on thur.
I MISS THAT BOY SO MUCH AND MY GURLS

2009-05-18T23:22:00.004+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

uh okay i love my friends.
it might be random.
but.yea.
THEY ARE MY LOVE.
like fatiha.
she is.
so sweet.and cute.
seriously.
"uh what would your life be if i'm not in the class?"
HAHA.
BABY LOVE.
and i miss jy,ql,sab and all.
and RICKY!
HE'S FINALLY GONNA BE BACK
THAT DRUNK GUY.

and i just wanna go to the rooftop.
and i used to think so hard.
why did i fall for him?
for the things that he have done
the words that he have said
the places he brought me to
it is all.everything.
and his eyes.
HAHA.
not that i still love him.
but i am still loving the memories.
life's a bitch.
no.
it is love which complicates all.
flings are good.
true love is bad.
not because of him i'm thinking in this manner.
it's all the things that i've witnessed.
which made me realised it.
to me
one night stands are more acceptable than having sex with your guy.
because.
it hurts less.
far less.
when everything with him comes to naught.
no commitment.
nor resposibility.no whatsoever.
love is a game.to play.
not for eternal love.
uh whatever.

2009-05-17T23:25:00.001+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i wanna go somewhere.
the rooftop.
not for the memories.
definitely.

2009-05-15T00:14:00.002+08:00

I AM HEALTHY.
AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT I THINK.
my family apparently is sick.or rather has always been.i mean both physically.and maybe mentally for some.
my mum has problems with her eyes and she has went under the knife once for it.but not that i can remember it.was too young to understand.all i can remember is that she pops pills into her mouth every few hours at a point in time.many.colorful.pills.and tablets.medicine.she was on medication.to keep her condition in control.
my eldest sis has lumps in her breast.and has been going for checkups over the years.and that includes having to go for operations too.lest the lumps turn into cancer.and she still has to continue doing that.keep tab on it.
my sis?she has kidney problems.and used to go to the to hospital for checkups once a week.and she has undergone operations for it.if she has swollen feet it'd mean that she'd have to go to the doc for it.because it might mean that she's been eating too salty.or too heaty.too much for her kidneys to take it.
and for the man living in the house obviously he's cranky.and sick too.he has serious gastric problems and always have to rely on medication.and the only times when i feel sorry for him is when he has to do scopes.to check for gastric cancer.idk.it feels.
and now my relative is down with cancer.its at the last stage.it feels.its like the bad news would come anytime soon.just like how it has been like with my grandma.sudden.but yet expected.i dont wanna hear those rituals.and cries.again.i dont wanna go to the crematorium.again.

I AM BLESSED.
I HAVE YET TO UNDERGO OPERERATIONS OR HAVE MAJOR ILLNESS.
i am only slightly anaemic.

2009-05-14T01:33:00.003+08:00

iM in MiAmI BitCh.

NOW ITS STUCK IN MY HEAD.
AND I AM ADDICTED TO JUNK FOOD.
i just realised i am tolerant only of my nephew's cries.if it were other babies i might well feel like.uh throwing them out of the window.stuff the pacifier into their mouths.to think i've always wished for a younger sibling.i might well just mix alcohol into their milk and put them to bed.maybe thats why my parents fed me with alcohol when i was young.to shut me up.haha.uh but i still love joash.
and i need money.desperately.i am so broke now.and have yet to save up for my birthday party.but whatever.i'll have the money.somehow.sometime.hopefully.

2009-05-11T01:17:00.002+08:00

rANdoM...

uh i miss HK.and the guy that i've met there years ago.not that i can remember how he looks like.just that he has brownish gold hair.and handsome.details of his features arent important.just that he's fair.good complexion.and HOT.haha.obviously i am deprived in sp.pretty girls and boys are far and few in sp.love to look at them.think i am behaving more like a guy.just that i dont fantasize about them.haha.
i am in sp tennis!!haha sports and me just dont really connect.but whatever.shall still go for it to train my stamina.which obviously sucks.that explains why i failed my 2.4km run despite my 2-3 attempts.and my worst time was 30mins.even that i still finished the run panting so hard.that i thought i would black out any moment.uh whatever hopefully i'll be able to last throught the tennis sessions.haha ok shut it.

2009-05-07T20:02:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i saw my father when i was walking home just now.he was standing amidst the crowd.at the traffic light.i felt weird.idk why but i just know i have to walk away.the other direction.away from him.it is not the first time.and i know it wont be the last time i would be doing that.because long ago i no longer know how to communicate with this person.and i dont intend to either in the future.its amazing to me that i can recognise him in a crowd.even without my glasses.when it just feels that we are complete strangers.that conversation between us is kept to minimal everyday.less than 10 sentences.which is good.somehow.at times i wanna stalk him and see which bitches he's with.STALKER haha.but i didnt.must be some sluts whores.uh whatever just shut it.i dont give a damn anymore.

why do girls always fall for assholes?because of the stupid tactics that the guys use when they're wooing them.because they're always blowing hot and cold.because they're bastards.and most of the girls are suckers for that.wishing it would be a fairytale or whatever.and i am one too haha.i figured maybe next time i should find a old and filthy rich man to get married off to.and when he's dead i'd be rich.sugar daddy.and i can grow old with Mustang.haha.after all that's what i'm being taught all these while by my aunt.but i'm not gonna get married.so whatever.

2009-05-06T23:24:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i just love my friends.nothing can say how much they mean to me.all the shit that i face.all the things that my friends have done and said.i love them.
recently i've been having mood swings.it is bad.and it is def not menses.and i think it is all so shit.i just want a good night's sleep.i need a good night's sleep.it would be alright after that.it has to be.uh this post sounds.wrong.somehow.but uh whatever,shut it.
i feel like drinking.and some loud music.haha.

2009-05-03T01:43:00.004+08:00

Move move Shake shake Now drop.

now the song is stuck in my head.

yesterday night with the gurls and all was awesome!

somehow i feel drinking makes me more sober.

i feel more..

this makes me sound like a compulsive drinker

but uh whatever.

the fun

laughter and time spent together.

i feel good.

and with the drinks

we get a little high.

and jq is DEFINITELY THE BOMB!

i just love him more when he's drunk

HAHAHAH

heck with all the shit he gives.

i can do with people better than him.

my friends.

i love them.

2009-05-02T01:24:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i wish i am drunk.at least i wouldnt have to listen to all the shit that he's sprouting.wth.what is the freakin' problem with him?why is it that some people can have such perfect families?why is it that no matter how hard i try things still remain status quo?if not worse?i just cant help but keep thinking if only i am born into a better family,where my parents are at least sane.or my father rather.i just wish i could run away.from all this shit.from him.i just wanna get drunk and get high.get drunk and forget about everthing.where his existence is no longer.when his words no longer affect me.i just wanna drink.till nothing else matters.till he's out of the picture.completely.

i love the gurls.jq.friends.
they keep me alive.
i love it even more when they're drunk.haha

2009-04-25T01:10:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i should take my mind off it.
because it sucks.
and nothing's gonna happen.
and things starting to complicate.
for ME.
uh shut it.

2009-04-18T01:38:00.003+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i am feeling so bloated now..and its not because of menses..i think i am eating way too much recently...all those crisps and cravings are taking a toll on me now..have been feeling nauseous lately..but uh whatever...at least it's putting some weight on me..or rather more than some...and i used to think snacking doesnt put on the extra pounds.now i've gotta change that perception.
and gosh sem's starting soon and i've yet to adjust to my sleeping time..i am a nocturnal now.guess i'd be a walking zombie during lectures in the days to come.which equates to more caffeine.
and i think there's a problem in my father's family production line.my father's cranky at times.his sister too darn autocratic.not to mention both of selfish.seriously.my aunt is just a heck of a trouble.
and this time my mum might have to forgo going to her grandson's one month celebration for her stuff?and she wasnt even really happy when joash is born.wth..my mum is her PA.takes her paychecks.but seriously.she is treating my mum more like a underling.she is younger than my mum but her behaviour just shows that she doesnt give much a damn to it.seriously,show some respect.for others and yourself.get a life.i am not insinuating that i despise her.but uh whatever.just hopefully i'd gow to love her.eventually..
and i am just glad that friendships with my gurls are still the same.i dont think i'd wanna go through the same darn thing with them as i did with phoebe and i before.

and i am still hung up on the guy at the flea mkt.or rather still mesmerized by his pretty face.heh

2009-04-12T03:52:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

gosh i miss my gurls badly...after my date with sab it reminds me of the old secondary school days...going out with the guys are fun but seriously,its even better having a good bitching time with the gurls.on everything,nothing...it just makes me feel...whole..
and i thought i wouldnt be able to really talk to her anymore but...i love you.i forgot why i used to love you.but today i realised why again.
and dont be deceived by the looks!guys might look good in the clothes.broad shoulders and a seemingly good bod but what's underneath might just not be the thing you wanna see.hahah

love make time passes..
time make love passes...

2009-04-10T03:39:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

so many things are going through my head now...apparently this holiday didnt do much in sorting them out..all these while it has been fiddling with the improbability..somebody just slap me

2009-04-07T02:07:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

wth school is gonna suck big time this sem...seriously,ending at 5pm everyday?it's just shit..and with 3 practicals on friday and more autocad?i think i am just gonna die this sem...all the weight i've gain is gonna drop to around 41 again when this sem starts wth...hopefully the pracs are gonna be aircraft engines and not some stupid drilling and turning...oh gosh

2009-03-27T01:45:00.003+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

chalet was great!!my classmates,entertainment,food,drinks,car rides,cooking...they were GREAT!!not that i did any of the cooking but whatever..the guys are good!!
i just love indians!!and the halal gurl!!and car rides in deepan's car!!!

2009-03-23T04:27:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

people dream to escape from reality
i stay awake so as not to dream
the dream that seemed so real
i cant fall asleep as i am afraid
afraid that something might happen when i am sleeping

2009-03-22T22:57:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i think im getting the meaning of my dream...
someday the family might just end up like this
i feel so trapped
everything is so fucked up

the arrival of Joash is supposed to be a joyous occasion
but why are they doing these
what the hell is wrong with you guys

2009-03-21T01:48:00.001+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

Your future friend: People with mature and strong character attract you. Your close friends are usually a tigress or a tomboy.
Your travel plan: In the future, you will often take overseas trips especially to modernized countries. You will get to explore Europe and North Asia like you always wanted.
Your future financial status: You are a big spender! You always spend on friends and luxury goods without feeling guilty. No matter how much you earn, you churn to match it. Your credit cards get thinner and thinner from frequent swipes. The figure in your bank account is not what you enjoy seeing.
The last period of your life: You can't stand being a lonely old lady so you will spend the last days of you life being a kind loving grandparent so that the kids will love to have you around.

how true!!hahahahahha
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test61.aspx

2009-03-19T05:05:00.003+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

im sad.
and confused.
wth is wrong with me?
i should be happy.
i am,
at times.
but a part of me seems
missing...
everything seems alright.
but why does it feel so wrong?
seriously
to hell with these nonsense

i miss my grandma...
the wailing..the rituals...they still ring in my ears...
the day she's being cremated..
it's on 30 june too...

i miss jy.
and ql.
and hsien wen.
and fatiha.
and...

2009-03-11T03:25:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i should just start eating greens and become a vegetarian..seriously..i should never have went to the market..i am disgusted when i see meat now...its like...omg!!im not trying to go on diet or being anorexic but its just that i cant seem to be able to stomach much food nowadays..when i eat too much nowadays i'd either wanna puke or have the runs...
and my sleeping cycle now is so screwed up....i just cant get to sleep...and i'd always be awakened by my palpitating heartbeat...im so tired and drained but i just cant sleep...
i need to take my mind off it..

2009-03-09T03:48:00.003+08:00

BeGinnIngS aRe RanDoM BuT enDinGS aLwaYs HavE A rEasOn...

i need to get it out of my mind..

2009-03-06T03:15:00.001+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Losing Someone You love affection and the people in your life more than anything. Your greatest fear is that one day someone you care about won't be there anymore. You are a very friendly and inviting person, who draws in a lot of friendships with your kind, considerate, and loyal nature. However, deep down you are slightly insecure and unsure of yourself. You couldn't deal with it if you didn't have one of your loved ones in your life anymore. You don't have too much to worry about though, because with a friend like you, no one will want to lose you either!
Disappointment
Being Alone
Death
Looked down on
Where Your life is Going
Commitment

http://www.gotoquiz.com/results/what_is_your_true_fear

2009-02-21T01:50:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

Let's love like we've never been hurt before;
Let's dance like no one is praising us;
Let's sing like no one is listening to us;
Let's work like we don't need money for it;
Let's live like today is the doomsday.

"if you dont want to get hurt, then dont fall in love"

2009-02-20T23:43:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

finally 2 more papers left and i'd be free!!!!omg!!!
and i've finally had my drink!!!though its just a can of carlsberg bt oh well its better than nothing...i've been feeling like shit recently...and its nt just coz of exams..thank goodness there's fatiha,philly and tharma to keep me sane..i cant wait till end of exams!!!im so gonna get drunk,wasted and whatever..it'd v unsightly for a gurl to be drunk bt whatever..i just wanna be drunk and be free from all this these even for just awhile...i really dunnoe what to do about it anymore
and the guy is...i really do wanna slap him.

2009-02-17T00:41:00.004+08:00

rANdoM RanTinGS...

i've just realised Xueyi really looks like ljk!!!from some angle...hahahahha...omg!!!seriously!!!his hair and complexion and stuff...omg!!!hahahahhaha...my in class LJK!!!and he's so sweet and faithful!!!hahahhahah...
i wanna go drinking sometime!!!i need some booze!! feel so aaahhhhhhhhh!!!gonna lose my sanity!!!and i feel like slapping some sense into him!!if he has any to begin with...hate his behaviour...his attitude is like...shit!seriously my gurl deserves better...but its ironic how things between them has made us closer...not just with her but also with philly and tharma...didnt expect i'd ever cry in front of them..bt yah...haha..im beginning to really like my class...the peeps are so cute!!the indians just simply rock!!first time ever spending time with 5 indians..like for all breaks,lunches and studyin...hahahha nt really 5 coz philly is too westernised..hahahha..and his eyes are just woa!!!they're like those of a doll!!!so big!!!reminds me of ferrero..i can look forever into his eyes!!seriously!!!and kumar and vejay are beyond description.they're just mind-blasting!!hahahhah..the next russell peters!hahahhahha...and me neighbour's blasting akon's songs over his sound system..yet agin!!that reminds me of father deepan!!hahhahaha...my akon lover friend!and we'd always blast akon's songs in his car!!!i wanna make love right na na na...hahahahhaha...and my j-k lover xueyi who's always glued to shuangsheng..xueyi would always give half of his tissue to him!!hahahahhaha...and tharma(SAYYYAAANG) who's always helping me to finish up my food!!hahahahaha..love them!aaahhhhh stupid exams have yet to study for them!!

and i miss my gurls!!or rather just jy and ql ALOT!! :(

2009-01-23T01:06:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i dont feel good about this whole thing thats happening
its freaking me out
its scary
i dont like it
dont like it happening to my friends
especially the both of them
its gonna hurt the people involved
especially her

2009-01-21T16:51:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

he's not good enough for her
he used to be
but not anymore
he used to be the medicine for all of her sorrows
but now he is the root of her misery
she changed so much for him
to accommodate his atrocious behaviour
he used to be a good friend of mine
but not anymore
because he has hurt her too much
i dunnoe why
but whenever i see her bawling her eyes out for him
it would remind me of HER
and i HATE it

2009-01-15T21:44:00.001+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

it shouldnt have been...
hate myself for it...
dumb..

2009-01-12T22:25:00.003+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

life is so fragile...when i saw her today,she reminded me of my grandma...if my grandma was still alive she'd have been 91 years old by now...she's so skinny now...all her bones are showing...cheeks sunken in...i almost couldnt recognise her...she's like my grandma...like the very last time i have seen her...except that my grandma had tubes inserted in her...and she's already gone for 2 years...
i've always liked to watch people sleep...because they looked so innocent and sweet when they're sleeping...but im scared when old folks sleep...because im scared to find them having no chest movement...that once they sleep they might never wake up...i hope she sleeps well..and i'll be able to hear her soft breathing...

2009-01-11T09:40:00.018+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

OMG!!!the BAYouth gathering was awesome!!!its like a prom night for us..or to me it seems...its just great!!!singing...jamming...dancing...and lots of pics!!!and peera came!!!OMG!!!it was totally unexpected!!hahahahha..the handsome boy..hahahahha...

My Dearest!!!

Loves!!

Love Her!!!

Pretty Gurls!!!

Smile!!!

Saranghae!!!

Leeyen & I

4E2!!!

2009-01-05T00:06:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

Planetarium lyrics

Evening approaches and the voices of night-smiling children fade
I know that you are somewhere under this sky, far, far away
At summer’s end, we snuck away together, we found this park
I kind of remember that constellation

Even if I don’t meet you, I can search for memories
Of the same sort of happiness.
Both the smell and fireworks going “bang”

I want to go to where you are
I want to start running there soon
I can’t see anything in the inky darkness
Even if I’m scared I’ll be okay
The wisdom of this clear sky
Is here now all the time.
I didn’t cry when I saw you in the past
Because the sky was clear.

Daily, from that road over there, I can only hear one sound.
Maybe you’ll stare at your big shadow.
It is not in the least expected to change.
A sad feeling expands inside you.
This is the “you’re not there” kind of feeling.

I really want to go and be next to you
Even though I am really, really small
I love you the most
I can be strong
I suddenly try to make a wish on a falling star
Maybe I’ll reach the point where I don’t cry
In a clear sky.

Even if I'm not with you, I can search for memories
Of the same sort of happiness.
Like the smell, together with fireworks going “bang”

I want to go to your place (The place that is with you…)
A small hand clenching yours,
I want to cry; that is a beautiful sky.
I suddenly try to make a wish on a falling star
Under this sky, I don’t think that I want to cry.

Last edited by enlightened0ne on Apr 03, 2007 4:35 pm; edited 1 time in total

a love story..
i thought they would last forever..
they were the best i've ever seen..
they look so good together...
but it has ended..
it used to be a 'they'..
now it's just 'he' and 'she'..
it ended all too sudden...
the snowball has shattered..
the fairytale in it has come to an end...
no more meetups.
no more calls.
period.
i hope she gets better.

personal relationships are so fragile.
is it worth the time building one in the first place?
only to get yourself hurt in the end
all good things come to an end
even the most beautiful fairytale
will come to an end..
from flames to dust..
lovers to friends...
maybe its all just a beautiful dream in the end.

2008-12-27T01:11:00.000+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i should be studying
but i cant
i cant seem to be able to concentrate
the book is just set in front of me
i've been staring at it for an hour
and im still stuck at the first page
and it doesnt seem to me that i'll make any progress today
even when i watched tv today
i cant seem to be able to focus
i feel empty
my soul is not in the body
and its scared
as it explores the various ominous things it might happen
my mind is in a confused state
its in a whirlwind
it seems to be blank
but its not
it seems to be thinking about yesterday's incident
and the past
the unpleasant incidents that i've been through
that i've subconsciously trying very hard to forget
but i've failed
miserably
because its all coming back to me now
the fear
i could still feel it
enfolding me
the cries
i could still hear it clearly
when will it all come to an end?
when will she stop pinning her hopes on him?

2008-12-26T12:43:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

im so scared.
this whole thing sucks.
i didnt expect this year's christmas to be like this.
at all.
i hate it.
i thought it'd be fun this year.
it started out great.
really
but ended up bad.
worst ever.
things were spiralling out of control
isnt christmas supposed to be a festive season?
a day of joy and laughter?
how did things become like this?
tears were shed.
bt they were not tears of joy.
sreamings and shoutings could be heard.
bt they were not shouts of joy.
they were cries of frustrations and sadness.
thats the christmas i had this year.
far far far from the christmas i've dreamt about..

he's a womaniser.
a bloody bastard.
he's drunk.
now.
always.
used to be.
im sorry lord.
for saying this.
but i cant help it.
i hate him.
he has brought us too much misery.
he broke up this family.
all by himself.
he started it.
he gambles.
he womanises.
he drinks.
he's abusive.
used to be.
he's useless.
fucking bastard.
a total fucker.

i cant cry over it.
and i wont cry over it.
ever again.

sorry god.
but i would still rejoice.
because it's your birthday.
because i know
you would be here for me
protecting me
no matter what matters.
love you.

let peace,joy and health come to my family.
come to the world.

for the last time i can say this year
Merry Christmas!
i would never forgive him.
never.
i wish i never have him as my father.

2008-12-22T02:33:00.004+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

"A person 200 years ago
would have died
a person 100 years ago
might still be alive now
a person 40 years ago
is still alive
but a person who was with you just 1 min ago
might have been gone the next min when you look back

It doesnt matter
that when i turn around
you're not there
all it matters is that
im here
each time when you turn around
i'll be there"

2008-12-21T01:05:00.003+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

im such a failure
how i wish i know what to do now
shit
this aint gonna be good
hate myself

now i can only just look at it
wishing for something to happen
or for it to remain status quo
it shldnt have been
hate myself

christmas is coming!!
santa and his fellow reindeers are coming!!!
snow will pile up outside the doorway
all lights in the town will light up
welcoming this festive season!!
Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-17T02:27:00.003+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i miss my grandma..
i wonder how she looked like when she left us...
did she leave with a smile on her face...?
or did she leave us still worrying about the family..?

i miss you...
but i know you would be alright and happy up there now...
loves

2008-12-13T13:52:00.004+08:00

ChRisTmAs iS fInaLlY hErE...

Silver Bells

City sidewalks,busy sidewalks
Dressed in holiday style
In the air there's a feeling of Christmas
/children laughing,people passing
Meeting smile after smile
And on every street corner you hear
Silver bells,silver bells
It's Christmas time in the city
Ring a ling,hear them ring
Soon it will be Christmas day
Strings of street lights,even stop lights
Blink a bright red and green
As the shoppers run home with their treasures
Hear the snow crunch,see the kids bunch
This is santa's big scene
And above the bustle you hear...
Silver bells,silver bells
It's Christmas time in the city
Ring a ling,hear them ring
Soon it will be Christmas day

There would be snow flakes...presents filled the stockings and under the Christmas tree...Christmas carols playing in the house...wonderful aroma of the grilled turkey and shepherd's pie will fill the room...little kids running around..old folks gathering near the fireplace sharing stories...mothers busied themselves with the preparation of food...fathers laughing heartily,drinking Chivas...laughter filled the room...having the best time of their lives...a wonderful sight to behold...

Thank you God for all that you've done for me and my loved ones...

2008-12-10T12:44:00.003+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

60 things most girls dont know

--Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!(oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with more than 6 guys..you're a HOE)
--"Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.
--Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
--Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes
--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
--Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
--Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
--A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
--Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
--Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
--Guys get jealous easily.
--Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think
--Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
--Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
--Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
--Girls are guys' weaknesses.
--Guys are very open about themselves.
--It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.
--Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
--If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
--A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
--Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
--Guys will brag about anything.
--Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful.If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.
--No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
--Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
--Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
--Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
--Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.
--Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
--Try to be as straightforward as possible.
--If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
--If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
--When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
--Guys don't really have final decisions.
--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
--If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.
--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.
--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
--Guys like femininity not feebleness.
--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
--Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
--If you are going to reject a guy, just do it. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.
--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
--A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
--No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.
--Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.
--We don't like girls who are too skinny.
--We love it when girls talk about there boobs.
--Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not ....
--Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unoticable tell them about yours...
--When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
--Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..
--Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...
--Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.
--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

2008-12-09T00:51:00.002+08:00

wHen I lOoK bAcK thE nEXt mInuTe, WouLd yOU sTiLl bE tHeRe?

i didnt expect to fall in love with him...i didnt wan to...it just happened...and im not even sure if it is...im not one who thinks that love is all that..that it is above all,the greatest thing..coz in my 17 years of life i've witnessed enough to make me believe that love is not all that sweet and romantic as i've thought it was...i've grown to learn that love turns nasty and harsh when chemistry is lost between a couple...that love is a materialistic plaything...money can be used to buy or keep the love of someone...that's wad im taught on lessons of love since young...that trusting someone is tough..that love is changeable..that when someone loves you,it'd not be forever...and im scared to fall in love...yet i still wish to be in love..a fairytale kinda love...one that would have a different ending from...bogoshipda..

2008-11-27T21:02:00.003+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

This is my nephew!!!Joash!!!
i'm so glad ya alright nw...stay healthy bb!

"why dont you like ur father?"...
why didnt i have a father like urs..?

2008-11-25T23:13:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArt...

Kudaeraso Lyrics (Robbers OST)
Posted in Robbers OST Lyrics on 3 September 2008

Kudaeraso Lyrics (Robbers OST)
Singer: Shin Nara / Romanization by Kreah
Also credit kreah-craze.com
kunyang noraso kkong noraso
nae mamul yoro chungonde
nodo irohke
tto nal tugo gal koja-nha
nan norul midko kasumul yolgo
nol saranghage tweborin naraso
irohke tto ulda jichyoso
norul bullobogo
yongwon-halkora mirwodun gu mal
sumgyo-on gu mal saranghandan mal
kuron su omnun goram-yeon
nae-ga monjo nol saranghanda ma-rhalkke
(norul) saranghaeso (niga) kuriwoso
(niga) bogopaso (naegen) kudaeraso
sarangha-neun norul [...]

what exactly am i feeling nw?

2008-10-21T19:06:00.005+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT..

i hope you would be alright...that you would be safe and healthy...

2008-10-21T00:08:00.002+08:00

a DreAm iS a WiSh mAde wIF ur HeArT...

i hate you.
you dont command my respect.at all.
i can only remember you hurting us.each and every single one of us.
how nice of you to treat us this way.when we were all still young.
thanks.
Memories of you spending time w us are vague.
all i can remember of my childhood are tears and sadness.
thanks.
now scoldings from you will not make me cry.nt anymore.
but what you still do now will still make me upset.cry.
but it would not.not in the future.